LAst night was an unmitigated disaster, slept for the grand total of 30 mins, if that. Tried reading, watching a film, re-counting all the Tavs goals of the season (62 in total, not counting pre season) all to no avail. I did all the washing, wrapped some Christmas presents and picked up the dumbells for the first time in about 3 months. I was literelly wide awake all night, not until 5.30 am did i feel tired at all and im wide awake again now. I basically spent about 90 mins bawling my eyes out at the whole situation at some point in the night. On the plus side i watched 'Dead mans shoes' again, 10/10, great film even if its a tough watch, maybe i should have watched something a bit 'lighter'.
During all this the voices were loud, loudest ever probably and the visions were almost constant of flashes of dark shapes and figures behind glass doors, im learning to live with them a bit even though they are pretty terrifying at times.
Crisi team at 11 today then the GP at 12. Dunno what use they'll be, sometimes it seems they just want to check im alive, could really do with some stress relief at the min but my hand isnt up to punching stuff, might reach for the razor and do a little bit cutting. nowt too serious just enough to dampen the hallucinations, fleetingly.
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