End of Jan update

Evening ladies and gentlemen, hope we are all fit and well.

Just though id do a bit of an update, the last week or so ive been in a huge deep rut of depression, sleeping loads, then not sleeping at all, being sick too yesterday and today, which isn't helping, maybe should have went to the doc today as i was sicking up blood during the night, seems to have settled a bit again now though, maybe its this labarynthitis that keeps coming and going, i think that its down to the fact that my body is so fucked up at the minute that i seem to be catching every little bug going and stuff. I am absolutely sick to death of not being myself, didnt enjoy the match again on sunday and didnt really enjoy the tav match either, this, for those who know me well, is, well, riduclous. Football is my number 1 passion and to be numb to the rollercoaster of it is hurting me.

On the plus side we found out a while back that Alex is expecting our first child so that is something for me to hold on to and something else for me to help me through times like this and hopefully help me to stay a bit stronger, its strange really though but sometimes it doesnt feel real and again i feel numb to everything.

I seem to be getting more used to the hallucinations, both visual and auditory although they are still there all the fucking bastard time and i get caught out with them sometimes, making me look a bit, ermm mental! the thing is they are never nice, always bad. if anyone saw 'whitechapel' last night the bit with the killer on the ceilling? thats a bit like what gans on in my nut sometimes!

Its doing my nut that i cant get to work full time either though they are really understanding, its not my nature to be off a lot, i like to be busy and to be at work so this is a huge source of frustration.

My mates, i have to say are blinding, im not going to go into the gritty details here but the lads i go to the match with have been massive for me the last couple of weeks. i love you all deeply! gaaayyyyyyyy

If anyone has any suggestions or questions please give me a shout. i'll try anything to help me get better. and im running out of ideas.