Xmas and New Year

Alreet everyone? or no-one!

As was expected Christmas and New Year would provide a big challenge, mostly on the not drinking front, I managed most of it other than the Colliery Tavern FC Christmas party, which was canny good, but again as i was having a drink i found that it was a bit of a waste of time as it was making me feel pretty rough, that added to the Labryinthitis, which i seemingly still have! and my medication made me feel canny shit all in all. On top of this I got talking to one of the lads about drugs and he flat refused to let me in on any, which was superb from him, shows people give a fuck even if my self destruct button is screaming out to be pressed. I can't thank him enough, i won't name him but he knows who he is.

This was the only time i touched any alcohol over the festive period, the rest of the time was spent getting stressed by the numerous family gatherings on xmas day and around other days, there seemed to be no escape from places, too many people there and i felt too clostrophobic at times and had to leave places early. I nearly even left the Sunderland V Everton match as i was so wound up for some reason, its been quite hard going to the match as my mate Dixon, hasn't been able to get to the last 3 so i've sat/ stood with my brother in the first halfs and then sat next to my mam and dad for the second halfs, ive been in my own world most of the time and have been still hallucinating so being in these big crowds haven;t been the best.

Other than all thats going on Christmas was good, seeing everyone and stuff is always good, even if, at times i know im not 'with it' and then i feel as though other people are treating me in a strange way.

What ive learend from 2011 is that Mental Health issues can effect anyone, the brain is a massively powerful and fragile organ, some of the stuff ive heard and seen in the last few months have been bizarre, and continue to be so, im getting more and more used to it now though and i think i can tell when things aren't real and are. though on boxing day i saw 'rod hull and emu' at the match at half time, my mam must have seen me looking and told me they were real haha.

Also i seem to have put on 2 1/2 stone on and i want to lose 3 so the hard work for that has started, im determined to beat or control this illness a bit better. The last time i saw the phychiatrist she told me that im a perfectionist, hence the ocd and stress and that wont be helping with the bi-polar and that if i can focus on stuff and think differently about stuff that might help. who knows, thats it for now, i think ive missed loads out but my memory os shot to bits so tough shit. Laters.