You ever had the feeling that your being watched? shit like isn't it? Loads has happened since i last wrote, ive been discharged by my NHS team, without being told. Been to see a private psychiatrist who has clarified my diagnosis (Bipolar with Psychotic features, strange how i was going to be put with a non psychosis tea..) and formulated a plan, which involves going back to the nhs team. i was under the impression that i was being moved teams but apparently they just cut me loose without sending me a letter or anything. So im now on a totally indeterminate CPN (Community nurse) list that i could be on for months. Nice one. I also had to contact my GP about getting on Lithium tablets, so i rang them up and he's on holiday for 10 days hahaha, what luck! I think the best course of action would be to get the Psychiatrist to contact the NHS team for me. maybe i'll give that a go and try and see a different doctor at the gp surgery. They were on about something called DBT before, i'll have to do a bit of looking at that. All talk and no solution it seems.
Anyway the reason i haven't wrote owt for a while is that the ups and downs have been canny intense, the downs have been particularly crushing, to the point where i just haven't been able to do anything for days, the voices get more directed and cutting. And the cutting! Then the flip side is today, energy to burn, i feel like i can tackle the world, mind the is the danger that ill do daft things on a whim but hopefully i can stay in the mortal realm and not go too far gone that i do things i cant remember or whatever. Just try and use the energy in a positive way. The paranoia and the voices/visions are still there in this kind of phase but its hard to shake them ever so that is what it is.
The Phychiatrist reckons all the drugs i took and all the drinking ive done hasn't helped matters like , maybe he's right but he's on about me not drinking and stuff, he thinks that will help ease the voices and everything a bit, along with the tablets (which i hate, make me pile weight on) I told him id tried this before for a few moths and it didnt make much difference at all. Anythings worth a go though so...
One other thing that happens with all this energy i can become pretty agitated pretty quick, like last night Alex was out so i had Mlo and Leia, they were in bed like but still. Anyway nothing usually happens once they are in bed but Milo woke up last night and was screaming, this didn't help my head and i couldn't get him settled, the voices then got really nasty and it completely sent me the other way from being a canny happy buzz to fucking angry, wound up etc pretty quickly. Luckily i didnt show this while i was trying to calm him down and Alex came in and took over. Makes me feel useless that shit though, really fucks me off.
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